December 2009
138 posts
that cliche new years blog.
here goes nothing.. i’ll say goodbye to this year and hope for the best. there’s no denying this year has pushed me closer and closer to my edge. it’s been rocky. i’ve lost a lot to gain a little. i’ve cried, i’ve smiled, i’ve hit the bottom and i’ve hit the top. i’m saying goodbye to what has been one of the toughest years of this life....
trying to find my way back to who i was. stop living in these fantasies, let’s embrace reality. losing everything is the freedom to be anything. so here i am. with arms wide open, and nothing left to give.
there it is.
“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a...
“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you,...”
– Richard Siken
I WANT YOU.
there, i said it.
“Shut up, just shut up and listen. Hear me out for just one minute. Just give me a minute of you pure, unadulterated time, cause what I need to tell you is big. Don’t be afraid of these words, just feel this moment. I don’t care what’s happened before this. Fuck the past, fuck what we’ve said, fuck the tears we’ve cried, they don’t matter anymore. Just, just be right here, right now, in this moment. Look, this is going to change everything and I know it. Whether, this is the last time, or the first of many, I love you. Okay. I’m just as fucking scared of this feeling as you are, but do yourself the favor, do me the favor, and just feel. Let your heart take control of this moment. Forget the world, forget everyone else, forget the consequences, this moment is you and me. And, and if you’re feeling this too, it’s okay to be afraid. I don’t know what the future holds, or what we’ll be, just trust what you feel. I know I’ve fucked up, and I’ve fucked up a lot, but I’m sorry. I can’t change what I’ve done, or what I’ve said, all we’ve got is this moment. If you feel it too, please, just take this leap with me. Forget the past and take the risk. Trust your heart, forget your head. I know it’s hard for you, it's hard for me too and it’s going to take work, but I’m willing because when it comes down to it, I love you, and that’s all I’ve got.”
i hate feeling this alone.
sprawled across the bed of inviting green grass, i found myself in the garden. my hair fell between blades of grass as the the brisk breeze danced across my skin. branches extend from trees like brushes, painting the blue sky with their autumn leaves. i open my eyes to the artistry of the trees, ensconcing the clouds with shades of yellow, red and orange. fall surrounds me. i breathe the scent of...
christmas isn’t right without you. something will always be missing now that you’re gone. feliz navidad.
“I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a...”
– Jim Morrison
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is...”
– Mark Twain
How To Pick Yourself Up Off The Floor
♥ Immerse yourself in something positive. Volunteer at a no kill animal shelter. Read to the elderly. Start an art project. Do something to create a positive influence for yourself. Negative thoughts and places are dangerous when you’re down. ♥ Stop letting yourself only see the negatives when you look in the mirror. I used to always think “I’d be acceptable looking if I lost 10 pounds and my...
“We were never lovers, and we never will be, now. I do not regret that, however....”
– The Sandman #72, part three of “The Wake”; Neil Gaiman
cheers to spending the past two days bawling on my bedroom floor.
there is weightless freedom in losing it all. i am bound to nothing because i have lost everything.
“I must say a word about fear. It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can...”
– Yann Martel, Life of Pi
stop acting like you know how i feel. you don’t, you never will. i’m almost too angry, too upset to even put it into words. i knew it was coming, i just knew. but i hoped, i really hoped. i hoped for a sliver of a chance at what i wanted. i prayed on the only strand of hope left in my body that maybe just this once the world would give me back what i had given it. the sadness, the...
“That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.”
– Emily Dickinson
“Perhaps there is more understanding and beauty in life when the glaring sunlight...”
poetry as tonic, #14
psychotherapy:
The Night House Every day the body works in the fields of the world Mending a stone wall Or swinging a sickle through the tall grass- The grass of civics, the grass of money- And every night the body curls around itself And listens for the soft bells of sleep. But the heart is restless and rises From the body in the middle of the night, Leaves the trapezoidal bedroom With its...
I AM A LAZY PIECE OF SHIT.
“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses...”
– Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)
“I don’t like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless...”
– Boris Pasternak
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you...”
– Mark Twain